BMJP = big mouthed jobless person, not close family members or friends who are allowed to take liberties (albeit unwelcome at times, still forgivable because of the underlying concern)
Situation 1: A couple who has been married for 5 years have no children. They are attending a wedding.
BMJP 1: Did you go to a fertility clinic? I can give you addresses of a couple of really good ones
BMJP 2: This is what comes out of always working towards money. You should understand that there is nothing more rewarding than having children.
BMJP 3: andha kalathula ellam purusha mattum dhan velai parpa, adhe madhri irundhuta oru prechanayum irundhurukadhu.
My questions to the BMJPs:
How in the world is this your business??
If all you have is concern and if your intentions are (seemingly) noble, is this how you choose to express it? Are you actually brain-dead?
For BMJP 3: Neenga ipdi vettiya irukardhunala dhan ungalukku ipdi ellam kelvi kekanumnu thonardhu, mudhala andha TV serial ellam pakardha niruthi tholaingo ! (There is another blog that completely echoes my thoughts on this subject).
What actually happened:
The girl was 20 when she got married. Her husband, a sensible person, decided that 20 was not an age to have kids and made her opt for higher studies and then a job. Since she has just now started working and going on maternity leave during probation is not a good idea, they are still waiting for the right time to start a family.
Situation 2: A young single girl in her early 20s has suddenly gained a lot of weight. She is attending a birthday party.
BMJP 1: My friend is looking for a suitable bride for her son. I thought of suggesting you to him but he is a fitness freak…..long awkward pause with ‘ohh…you are so fat’ expression
BMJP 2: I still remember how pretty you looked in Ram’s wedding in that yellow sari….audible sigh….
BMJP 3: ennadi ivalo gundu adichuta ?
My questions to the BMJPs:
If you are really concerned about finding her a groom, is this how you broach the topic?
Have you heard of adding salt to the wound? You are just a tweak away from sadism.
For BMJP 3: Idhu unga maramandaike uraikardhuna, ava daily kannadi pakara, avulukku theriyadha ??
What actually happened:
The girl had a severe personal shock, resulted in a serious medical condition and is taking a lot of medication. The medicine is affecting both her diet and metabolism drastically.
Situation 3: A college graduate is going to Australia for his higher studies. He is having a farewell party.
BMJP 1: I saw in yesterday's news that 3 people were hurt in racist attacks. Are you sure you still want to go ?
BMJP 2: Australian degrees are not recognised anywhere. Why are you going there ?
BMJP 3 (to his mother): nethiku kooda andha oorla ratha kalariya rendu studentsa TVla kaatina, ennamo po....
My questions to the BMJPs:
Do you realise they have a TV at home and they are not deaf and blind ?
You do know that the person who has to worry about the degree is actually the one who is going to study and telling him this in his farewell party is not going to offer an iota of help, right ? If you don't then you are just too dumb.
For BMJP 3: romba shemam, payyan oorku poranenu kavala padara amma kitta indha vishayam kandippa sollanum !
What actually happened:
The guy has contacts in Australia who give him up-to-date information and he is game for any surprises.
Golden rules of Thumb:
- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS; trust me, it’s a good thing at times.
- Speak only when spoken to. Otherwise keep your suggestions and flashes of genius to yourself.
- Stop stating the obvious, especially when its painful. Please do not give me the ‘truth is bitter/better’ routine here.
- Above all, be kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting an unspoken battle.
Obviously, I am venting...not because someone did this to me, I usually do not let people get away with impertinence. I let them have it and I have no qualms about doing so. If their age demands respect, then they better act their age. In the past, I have left one open mouthed by saying '500 thousand euro' with the utmost conviction when this person asked me about my salary and another dumbstruck by saying 'payyan nethiku dhan school poga arambichan' when one busybody wanted to know when I was going to have kids, 6 months after my wedding.
I am frustrated because someone is inevitably doing it to my near and dear ones, those who are either too hurt or too tired to respond.
I am not against those offering to help, but surely neither of those BMJP questions fall into expressing concern or caring for someone. There are some things that should definitely change in India - taking undue liberty (asking about marriage, kids, salary), violating someone's privacy and above all, hurting someone's feelings. This is not just due to generation gap (that can get some benefit of doubt), but I have seen insane questions come from people in our generation; educated, well informed people, who are and should supposedly be aware of the dos and donts.
On the other hand, I would also encourage those who are subjected to these BMJP questions into adopting a 'Like-I-am-bothered' atittude or laughing it off or letting them know that such questions are not welcome. These people and their questions are not worth any of your time or tears - they are far too precious.
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Website Hit Counter I had decided to have a counter only after I hit a 1000 views and since it happened last week (as on 14 Dec 2009), now is the time to see some stats :)
Well said.. it will take time for people to change...
ReplyDeleteSunday was one such heights-of-joblessness day for someone who got into my personal space way too much, than I would have liked.
It was a very interesting battle, but I guess I won it. :-)
I have lost hopes of people changing around me, instead I have chosen to react appropriately to people.
As as aside, I must say, I will not appreciate too much of 'It is their personal life' attitude and walking around in the same place, pretending not to notice that something is seriously going wrong in the other person's side. I saw someone crying in a certain office space. I had just then, joined. Was surprised to note that, NO ONE, just no one bothered to check what was wrong... I just decided to shrugg off the 'newbie' and 'I-am-not-sure-if-i-should attitude' and just asked 'Is there something I can do to help?'. The girl cried out for about 15 min... then we spoke for about two min. and then I sent her home.
Sattaiadi!!!
ReplyDeleteBMJP4: nallathu sonna ungaluku pidikathey
ReplyDelete4 peru 4 vithama pesuvanungaley, athu ivanunga thaana
@dewdrop
ReplyDeleteLike I said, offering to help should be ‚really’ help. In this example you state, I would have held the girl’s hand, given her a glass of water and just sat with her without asking what was troubling her. If she wants to confide in me, it is her decision. But BMJP questions would be asking her if it is men related problems or why she was being childish by crying at work.
@Bharath
I will take that as a compliment :)
@Spidey
Amam, kootamathan kelambirukkanga
:-) :-)
ReplyDeleteI dont know atleast the younger generation is changing a bit from this.
After a point, one just learns to shut off. It is a trait learned with age and experience, and when you have lived three decades in this society, shutting off comes naturally to you. Sometimes I shut off when a confirmed BNJP appears in my horizon, before she/he even approaches me. A dumb vacant smile is the only automatic respone he/she can get out of me.
ReplyDeleteTrust me !