I miss my girls...

I was the only girl in my
….masters class at the University of Stuttgart…..
….department when I started at Bosch……
….department when I started at Intermap……

In short, my life in Germany has mostly revolved around interactions with men and on some days it gets really tiresome (Menfolk can truly be incredibly boring)! I have never been a pink-loving cho-chweet saying girly girl but at times it drives me nuts to have no female perspective around me!

I miss…
the infinite patience that girls (atleast most of them) have when shopping for the most trivial things…
explaining to a colleague that I was late because I couldn’t find matching shoes for an outfit (read realized that I couldn’t wear sneakers to work)….
discussing a co-passenger’s really weird eyebrows (I once mentioned it to Ashok and it freaked him out, he said concentrating on weird eyebrows made him see the woman as a witch :D)….
grumbling about my unsuccessful attempts of using cold wax strips at home….
talking about an emotional scene that I saw in a movie or read in a book….
gossiping about oh..well…anything and everything :D (Men are not allowed to roll their eyes at this statement given that they gossip equally well)
sharing ideas about what furniture or curtains to buy when moving into a new house (Men treat the concept of curtains so trivially that it drives me nuts!!)….
talking about weight loss (successful or unsuccessful attempts, work-out routines, diet tips…oh the list is endless….)

Yes, I can call my girl friends but they live in different countries and different time zones and waking up someone at 3 am to talk about eyebrows will only result in sleepy swear words ! Although I have a few girls here in Germany to call, I can hardly impose on them on week days when they have enough things to deal with. This is why, when I get the chance, I really abuse it ! All my conversations with my girl friends easily last an hour and anytime I go to a party and see a bunch of girls, I get all excited like a kid being taken for ice cream…after all it has indeed become a luxury that I get a glimpse of only now and then !

To all my girl friends out there: I REALLY REALLY MISS YOU !!

Does the girl know ?

Yesterday I was talking with someone who is a huge fan of Vijay and for some reason the conversation came around to the last scene in “Poove unakkaga” when Vijay tells the girl he loves (and whose wedding he helped arrange) a number of dialogues comparing Love to roses, thorns, bushes, exams and what not (imagine typical lalalala Vikraman music in the background)! And the girl innocently asks him “who is it that you love?”…at this point I always wonder if the guy is so naïve or if both of them are being diplomatic….because here is something you all should know: when a guy likes a girl, the girl always knows (this should be in bold, capital and a huge font size) and I mean always ! Except maybe one exception: when the girl does not know that the guy exists and he is doing long-distance sight adichufying via a telescope !

In all other cases, the girl knows. She may not accept she knows for whatever reasons (guilt, denial, prefers not to deal with it, does not want to spoil the friendship etc.) but the basic fact is she knows. I mean, how dumb can she be? If a guy goes out of his way to convince her parents to get her married to the person she loves, it shows he cares and cares really deeply. How can such care translate into anything but love?? In this case, the girl cannot ask him to stop helping her because she then would have to explain herself and deal with the fact that he is in love with her and there is nothing she can do about it. All that would accomplish is make things awkward for all of them. That’s why she vainly hopes that she is mistaken and he is indeed in love with someone else and in one last attempt of redeeming herself, she tries to hook him up with another girl.

This brings me to the concept of platonic relationships. In one phrase: Easier said than done. I don’t believe that there can be a platonic relationship between a girl and a guy if one or both of them are not already committed to someone else. Here I do not refer to friends that you meet or talk to once a month or when you bump into him/her, am only talking about people who take up a lot of your time and thoughts. When you admire someone platonically and love spending time with him/her, it is really easy to drop the “platonically” if you realize (sometimes surprisingly suddenly) you find him/her attractive as well. I am not saying its right or wrong but I am saying that it is inevitable. Take ‘Friends’ for instance – the 6 of them change relationships with each other so often that many times I have had to explain it to my frustrated and utterly shocked amma with her “ivan avaloda dhane irundhan?” questions !

So all I am saying is don’t kid yourself, have fun but tread carefully !

Disclaimer: If someone reading this post thinks “already kozhambi irukara kuttaila iva kuchiya vittu attara” then you should know that I am just a vetti blogger (who I may add is happily married :D) in her vacation mood. So I can’t be held responsible for your actions/inactions.

XX Vs XY

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, gender related procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate one.'

*******************************

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth! - I agree, unfortunately....

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card - - This is why I hate handbags, I can never find what I want in there. I actually have a wallet and use a rucksack most of the time....guess what, even some of my male colleagues make fun of that....idhu romba overa illa ?!

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. - - naanga enna panradhu, pasanga tholla thangala.....

6. Attempt to insert card into machine...

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. - hehehe, hehehe

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way. - idhu too much, with the amount of experience women have with credit cards and debit cards, this is just not possible

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. - 10 to 12 also seem far fetched. Even though many women are not fond of numbers, when it comes to money, they are all Ramanujam's cousins ! Its akin to the fondness for remembering dates :)

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt..

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. - I have never ever done this!

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card. - ROFL, ROFL

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. - this is precious, ROFL, ROFL !!

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. - No comments

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake. - This is just too darn good !!

Thanks to the person who sent me this forward. I completely agree that men have a flair for driving while women learn (or atleast try ) to drive. Ofcourse when there is a rule, there are both examples and exceptions....oh..well...there should be atleast one thing we are not good at, just to make you men feel better, eh :D ?

Venus Vs Mars

I got this forward from a friend and since it has been going around for years, you have most likely seen it.

Rules for Women:

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever

1. Crying is blackmailing.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 24 hours.

1. It is genetic for us to look at women. Just deal with it.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

I should ideally respond with rules for men, eh? But women really dont make them because we know men never even attempt to hear them leave alone following ! Perhaps a few suggestions and thoughts.....

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever - if u dont want us to do it, u shouldn't either => messing up with ur mush or goatie or watever !

1. Crying is blackmailing. - you stop drooling and we'll stop crying !!

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! - If you dont mind us saying "can you get out now??" rather than "I guess I have to finish my work now", then its fine with us !

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. - When you know all about the cricketer that captained his team to a Ranji trophy in 2007 or what Ambani is up to, is it that difficult to remember a couple of dates involving the person you say you "care" for? Have you ever thought about how happy you could make her by actually remembering at least one?

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,all comments become null and void after 24 hours.

if(stupidThingNotRepeated){
nullAndVoid(pozhachupo);
}
else
{
payForIt(adapaavi);
}

1. It is genetic for us to look at women. Just deal with it. - It is genetic for us to be possessive. Just deal with it and the glaring and the screaming !!

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. - Then for God's sake, dont tell us that you want to try your hand at cooking, please !! aprum asai mattum dhan irukkum....dosai, apalam,vadai edhuvum irukadhu !

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. - When stranded in a Dutch speaking country, not knowing where to go at midnight, we dont mind your "know-it-all" act as long as u at least allow us to ask for directions !

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. - We are mind readers and you can never get away with your lying ! so simply, speak the truth ! Our mind-reading ability is proof of how much we know and care about you.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. – Then why do you complain when we shop for hours, obviously we can see in 2²⁴ colors !


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. - You should know that the longer you wait, the powerful the ''nothing'' becomes, be warned that it is an exponential series.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. – oh you poor thing, have you still not understood that we patiently listen to such topics only to use it as a bait to take you shopping or to a wedding ?

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape. – can you deal with it if we follow the same logic?

Disclaimer: All the above mentioned are real and nothing imaginary! Anything resembling anyone is totally intentional!

I hope you had a good laugh….and that brings us to the interesting point of how men being from Mars and women being from Venus make life really exciting; it would just be too boring if every man did what his woman expects of him and viceversa, right ? oh..well...live and let live :D !