Talking with Amma...

...about frivolous things like a poor-man's version of a complicated recipe or reliving her past like how she felt when Appa came for the penn-parkum ceremony was always something I enjoyed mainly because these occasions were rare and precious. Amma is/was working and was never a housewife. So with both of our schedules and with the menfolk constantly wanting our attention (while amma takes care of appa and Raghav, my job was mainly fighting with either of them either over a topic or over the remote :D), the only time this would happen was just before going to bed. Amma would bring me mango complan (yeah, that's right) to bed and while I sip slowly, the talking would begin.

After I moved to the hostel, these moments became scarce and almost disappeared when I came to Germany. I called/call home once a week, mostly on a sunday, since saturday became a working day for Amma few years ago. The call was always along the same lines, discussing the weather, my health and after marriage, Ashok's health and finally, discussing the likelihood of me becoming a mother in the recent future (read, she bugs me and I pretend to listen).

Today morning I was blissfully sleeping at 9:30 (I made a solemn vow to never wake up before 10am on a saturday unless there was a Rajini movie playing at 11am in the city centre) when the persistent ringing of the phone woke me up. I hurried to pick it up when I saw it was Amma and in spite of all the phones having caller id and me starting with ''solluma'', amma will always begin the call saying ''chowmee, amma pesaren''...and it always makes me grin.

She said she was at work and it was very quiet today since everyone stayed home to watch TV (hmmm...now why would that be :D ??) and she felt like talking to me. I was surprised, I began in a sleepy voice and slowly we talked about a lot, laughed, reminisced and finally when I hung up, I was plastered with a wide grin....we ''talked'' again like good old days, now the only question remaining is how I would satisfy my craving for mango complan now....?!!

Top 5 Madisars

I recently saw ''Seetha kalyanam'' and there were only 2 reasons for it - a traditional 7 day brahmin wedding and Jo in Madisar...although the movie moved at a snail's place and the ending was too predictable, it did do justice to the 2 things I looked for.

The ''bough'' vecha kai is adorable while the maroon with double side jari makes it very authentic !

That also got me thinking about other heroines in madisar and here is my countdown.

Note for buzz readers: If you want to take a look at the embedded videos visit my blog to read this post.

5. Bhanupriya in Aahaa

It looks like someone drew a madisar on her (video from minute 8.35). To quote my paati ''Onbadhu kajam evalo paandhama irukku avaluku'' !

4.Urvasi in Micheal Madana kamarajan

"Sundari neeyum'' is an amazing song and the venpattu Thittusundari, I mean, Thriupurasundari wears will remain etched in my memory forever !

3.Padmini in Vietnam Veedu

The only reason Padmini is pushed to place 3 is because she is slightly plump when compared to the gorgeous ones in 1 and 2 and that makes a difference.

2.Sridevi in Meendum Kokila

I couldn't find a proper madisar pic from the movie but found another one and that one's pretty too ! There is no better combination than madisar with temple jewelery and she is wearing my favorite color combo, the mambhazha yellow with maroon !

and the undisputed number one position goes to

1.Sowkar Janaki in Edhir neechal

As long as I live, I will love ''Adhuthathu Ambujatha parthale''. The ettukal mookuthi, the jimiki, the long plaited hair with flowers, her beautiful eyes that look even more pretty with kaajal, all together make her the best velli thirai mami.

Special mention should go to Hemamalini in Hey Ram, the only reason she is not on the list is because her screen presence is very limited to actually include her in the contest !

An extra special mention goes to the invincible Shanmugi mami but she is out of the contest because of the mama/mami questions that might eventually be raised !

The scene with Gemini Ganesan that follows this song is the one that takes Shanmugi...err..kamal to a thani level....the body language, the blushing, the whimpering.....chancea illa !

On behalf of all mamis - Indha pudhu varusham ellarkum amogama irukattum bhagavane !

Ippadiku,

nammathu mami

PS: Please do not suggest Asin in Madisar as one of the contestants, she wears it like a ready-made pant suit and it only ends up looking weird !

PPS: Did I miss someone else ??

Disclaimer: All pics (except the last one ofcourse) and videos belong to the respective production houses. I am not responsible for any copyright violation in the embedded videos.

Of Jackets and Shoes

I went shopping for a winter jacket today. I saw one in the store and was not sure if it was a fall jacket or if it would work for the negative temperatures in winter too. So I asked the store employee and he tells me it is a ''übergangsjacke" i.e a transition-jacket used to transition from fall to winter. I thought to myself....dey, enna velayadareengla ??

I already have a spring jacket, a fall jacket, a winter jacket (that is close to breathing its last which is why I went shopping) and 2 rain jackets (one of them is a sports jacket for when I go running) and now this fellow comes and tells me that I need a jacket to transition between the seasons, marana kadi ayiten naan !!

Shopping for clothes was one of the toughest things for me when I first came to Germany and choosing what to wear on a particular day, even tougher and no, it was not a girly choice of what will look good on me but it was a much simpler problem on what would make me comfortable. I have worn turtle-neck sweaters to classes and have felt too warm, or just a shirt and have felt too cold. It took me a while to figure out that there was a concept of dressing in ''layers'' (shirt under a pullover under a jacket) and you take them off or put them on depending on the temperature.

What's the deal with everyone wearing black, grey and brown in winter ?? Isn't the depressing weather reason enough to dress up in bright colors ?? There have been many winter days when I have come out of my apartment to go to work and have noticed everyone dressed in black and grey and it always makes me feel like the whole street is going to a funeral. Yes, its easy to decide to buy bright colored pullovers and jackets but difficult to find them since the winter collection in stores hardly ever go beyond the sober colors !

With these problems came another one when I started working. Now apparently besides the seasons, I also had to make sure that I had formal jackets that I can wear to a client meeting or a conference. The client seeing me in an informal jacket for a split second before I take it off (to sit down in a heated room all day) has somehow the powers to put the kibosh on the deal !

For someone who has never seen or owned a jacket until 20 and prefers comfort over fashion, this is frustrating, very frustrating ! But the frustration levels go rocket high when the problem of jackets meets the problem of shoes.

As a teenager, I have read a number of English novels and in all of them there were always allusions to girls being crazy about shoes and having way too many pairs. I never understood that since I always had only 2 pairs (besides the school shoes) and most likely they were both from bata, one the Rs 99.95 slipper that I wore everyday to go out and the other, the Rs.159.95 one that amma made me wear to weddings and other special occasions.

I come to Germany...boom ! I suddenly have a dozen pairs - for different seasons, for different purposes (running, work, casual) and for different costumes (you can imagine how inconvenient boots are with a salwar or a sari) and when I have trouble with these already, there is another huge factor - fashion. Apparently knee-length boots are not a great idea when wearing knee-length skirts. I go ballistic if I hear suggestions like these and I want to shout, ''I don't care, I am comfortable and I like the way I look and you can go jump into the sea for all I care!!!''....

....and then I realised if everyone thought this way, there will be no fashion industry, an industry that spends millions on creating fabrics and style that last one year and are shunned the next and that spends more millions on convincing people about it.....so they gotta do what they gotta do and I gotta do what I gotta do....

...so if you spot someone in a bright red jacket, a bright maroon scarf and wearing comfortable shoes that probably don't match the jeans, on a dull depressing day in Munich, its most likely me :)

A dreamy wedding....

....is probably an expression that all girls use fairly often. I attended one such wedding on Saturday and I have to say I still have a hangover (a romantic one, not alchoholic). While I love (and had) a typical 3 day tambram wedding with unjal, nalangu, singing and all the rest of it, there is something incredibly appealing about the long white dress with a long white veil. I have only seen such weddings in movies and ever since I came to Europe I have wanted to see and be a part of the live version. For some reason, all my friends here either were not interested in getting married or chose the city hall to say “I do” but all that changed few weeks ago when I got invited to Kitzbühel Sonnbergstub for a wedding.

I have been in Kitzbühel before and even as I saw the invitation I could imagine the bride walking down the aisle with some gorgeous landscape as the backdrop on a glorious sunny day (yeah, yeah, its true, no one really cares about the groom. Like Seinfeld says, its just one of the men in the black tux!). So we left on a Saturday morning; me bubbling with enthu and Ashok amused at my excitement (somehow men never get it!). My heart jumped when I got there…it was just as I had imagined – flowers and ribbons everywhere, an arch for the ceremony facing the beautiful mountains and a band in the traditional Lederhosen.

The ceremony began, the bride walked down the aisle in her beautiful white flowing gown (with Ashok muttering – white dress poi ipdi tharaila peratrale....), the relatives of the bride and groom read some excerpts about love from the Bible and Quran respectively (the groom was a muslim, the bride a catholic), then there was a song praising the Lord following which the priest spoke a few words about the couple and they finally said ‘I do’ before kissing. What surprised me was what the priest said afterwards “You are all here today, thank you for taking the responsibility to help the newly wed adhere to the vows they have taken today”….and I was thinking “ahaaa…idhu enna pudhu kadaya irukku”….! At the end of the ceremony, the bride and the groom let a couple of doves fly and then they opened a whole box full of doves, it’s a pity that they were reluctant to get out and fly and did so slowly, otherwise it would have been a very movie-like moment with doves flying away into a glorious sunset ! Then the guests were asked to let balloons fly away; each balloon was tied to a greeting announcing the wedding with a request from the newly weds that anyone who finds it send it back to them with a good wish. Some of the balloons were caught in the trees but am sure a few will find their way to people who will indeed send them back.

Then came the champagne and the strawberries, followed by the appetizers and they kept on coming until the dinner buffet was ready. Needless to say, it – a salad buffet, a grill buffet and a main course buffet - was sumptuous with enough delicacies even for a vegetarian like me. Dinner was followed by a fire show. Even though the tricks like ‘swallowing fire’ was something I was familiar with, the part I loved was when the bride and groom were asked to set fire to a huge heart that was constructed on the fire show area. The ‘heart on fire’ burned for a long while, the sun had set, a light breeze was blowing from the mountains and there was soft music playing, the groom asked the bride to dance and dance they did….it was so dreamy and romantic (times when I realize that I can be really girly too!) that other couples joined the dance and out of the blue, Ashok asked me to dance too and dance we did....

Then came the dessert buffet and by then we had moved into the party hall. As we were enjoying the pastries, the chef brought in the wedding cake. A DJ took over the party hall after the cake was cut and gave us another surprise – 2 pairs of professional dancers who set the mood by dancing to different numbers. While one pair swung to Walz and tango, the other twisted and turned to chachacha, salsa and finally they all ‘rock’ed and ‘roll’ed and opened the dance floor to everyone. They have my heartfelt thanks because they made Ashok dance with me for 2 numbers! Too bad I was in a sari** since it wasn’t the ideal costume to rock n roll...but the slow numbers worked wonderfully!

I have no idea when the last person went to bed but I was beat when I hit mine at 2 am and could hardly open my eyes on time in the morning to get ready for the brunch at noon with the wedding party (they put us all in hotel rooms and yeah, it was an expensive wedding!). We ate again, took some time to go around Kitzbühel and came back to Munich after a truly great (or should I say romantic…stupid grin….) weekend.

**I was in a blue silk sari and every girl at the wedding (I am not exaggerating) told me both the sari and I looked gorgeous. Ashok was wearing a kurta and got similar compliments. I never understand why desis attend weddings in Europe in ill-fitting (since many do not have a figure that go with such dresses) and extremely expensive ball gowns of the same sober colors (black, grey, brown) when they can be the centre of attraction by wearing one of the numerous traditional costumes they have lying in their suitcase !

What men dread...

...women and wedding - separately and together! It is a well-known saying that a woman's mind is a mystery to man but what is more confusing to them is a woman's excitement about a wedding, her's for the most part and others', for the rest of her life ! So menfolk, here is my attempt to help you with that and I am sure some tips will prevent you from getting killed !

Well, if we rewind to why I am getting so worked up is because I just saw an episode of ''Everybody loves Raymond'', where Ray tapes over their wedding video by mistake and Debra (his wife) learns it when she tries to watch the video on their tenth anniversary. She completely flips (very understandably) and goes bazookas on him and believe it or not, my first reaction was to check my wedding DVD to see that the copy is still there and what's more, I made a back up (even though I know my parents and in-laws have one each). A word of advice, guys - NEVER EVER and that means NEVER EVER mess with your wedding pictures or videos (or with someone else's for that matter), no woman will consider it funny and the likelihood of her turning murderous is really high....why you wonder...read ahead.

Women crave attention, get jealous of other women (could range from family or friends to foes) and the one day that they know where the former becomes unnecessary and the latter becomes redundant is their wedding day (or days, I had 3 :D); a day that most of them have waited for ever since they were dressed up in a madisar for a fancy dress competition (yeah, yeah, I am replacing all white veil and related stuff with the Tambram equivalent) and everyone remarked how cute they looked. They believe it is more or less the last day (or rather the last phase) of their girly life and they have earned the right to enjoy it to the fullest.

This is also the one chance she gets to show off her man, all dressed up and gentlemanly (its quite an effort for many to do this on regular days) and proudly announce to the world that the wedding day is a preview of their happily-ever-after.

She gets pampered, oohed and aahed and above all, its that time of her life where the woman is at her best...I have noticed that all girls look gorgeous during their wedding (even if the make-up does not go well with them, there are always some casual pics that will prove my point), I do not know if its all the extra attention she gives to grooming or the inner happiness that moulds the exterior but its true.

I know there are scores of hollywood movies out there that show all this in vivid detail...obviously only seen by women since men believe (and rightly so :D) that these are chick-flicks. Although the planning-a-wedding part is not so huge in desi weddings where parents take a load off the girls' shoulder, she still remains a part of every decision making process. She cherishes every moment, remembers every compliment, works herself to insomnia to avoid every critical remark and its almost as big as choosing the groom itself (and in some cases bigger since there are also desi parents who choose the groom themselves and let the girl choose everything else).

Gentlemen, you do not have to understand why it is important as long as you understand it is important and play along. It's once in a lifetime, so go along and do not question her why she is upset that the shade of bangles is a tad different from that of her sari or why she is making you try 6 different suits before you can buy one for the reception. Just keep in mind that she is going to be looking at these pictures even when she is 60 and will be bragging to her grand-daughter about how pretty she looked on her wedding day and you want to keep up, don't you ? Since your kids are going to see these pictures too, make sure that you do not have to answer the question from your toddler - ''why is appa not smiling ?''

These are going to be her happiest memories for a really really long time to come and it wouldn't hurt (well, it actually might if you mess up ;) :D) for you to help her, right ?

Time is precious, wall clocks aren't !

I attended a wedding last week and I am still in the wedding mood. I usually pride myself on giving good gifts for any occasion. As I had just a week’s notice for the wedding, I was particularly happy with what I had chosen (will come back to that later). But as I was thinking about a gift, I decided that quite a few people are clueless and I should probably write a post with some helpful hints (my good deed for the day :D)

Put some thought into it: Gifts depend on the occasion, people and your relationship with them. Of course the budget one has in mind is also important but I believe that if you are clear about the first three, you can do wonders even with a modest budget. In general, men fair really badly in this category, so guys, be smart and ask your girl or some girl for suggestions.

A Gift should match the occasion: A self-help book as a wedding gift is a bad idea, a really bad idea. A wedding gift should usually serve as a reminder of the happy occasion, so avoid perishables like flowers, chocolates which are probably more suited for a birthday. These perishables can accompany the gift but should not be the gift itself.

A Gift should be usable, not redundant: These days, most people have a wish list and if they do not, there is no harm in asking them. After all, you want your gift to be used rather than be stored in the loft or pawned off on someone else as a gift, right? The latter is what happens to wall clocks, culinary sets and flower vases. Please avoid all these unless they are special or unique in some way. I know of friends who ended up with 7 wall clocks, 8 vases and 4 culinary sets after their wedding!! Even if you had a wall clock in every room, 7 wall clocks are simply too many!! Similarly getting a swamy padam as a gift for house-warming is a very obvious choice ergo everyone does it, remember the people are going to live in a house not in a Madam. So unless you have a special one, like a hand-made Tanjore painting or something from their wish list, skip this option.

Make safe choices and don’t get too personal: If you are getting a gift-certificate, for example, make sure it is from a store that they will use. If you do not know, ask. Unless the person is really close to you, avoid cosmetics, perfumes, jewelery, clothes etc. For one, you do not know the person’s preferences (not just likes and dislikes but even allergies!) and secondly, you might send a wrong message.

Include a wish/message: Your wish is more important than the gift itself. So write a note – doesn’t have to be a fancy card and/or a fancy poem, just a line wishing them well would do. A hand-written note is more personal than a print-out, don’t worry, not everyone is blessed with a good handwriting (experience speaks!). As long as your wish is not in a sealed envelope that you are sure will be opened by the person itself, avoid sarcastic and sexy remarks.

That was quite some blah..blah….so let me move on to some suggestions (I am sure this is the part that will be most interesting for exasperated male readers :D!)

Money would be one of my top suggestions. Cash is too blunt, so gift certificates would be a great gift. It is usable and the item they buy serves as a reminder as well. You can personalize it your own way with sweets or fancy decoration. That’s exactly what I did. I gave the wedding couple 2 gift certificates (each carrying a personalized wish) that I know they will use along with a photo frame that has a photo taken on their first weekend together, 2 years ago (Oh…I love my email archive) and everything nicely gift wrapped with all the fancy stuff I could lay my hands on :D!

I have listed only a few. I would keep updating this post regularly depending on what I buy or get...hopefully (makkale, take the hint :D)

Informal gifts (for near and dear ones): Assuming you know the person well, there is actually a wide range of choices. You only have to decide which one of the three following options you want to go for. Obviously something that falls into all 3 categories is a super-duper gift !

A gift based on their needs – Things they are most likely to buy
- lamp shades, book on interior decoration or a gift certificate to a furniture store are all really useful house-warming presents one can get.
- In case of a wedding, some gift based on their honeymoon - if you know the place chosen for the honeymoon, getting them tickets to a local show, a romantic boat ride or something similar
- If the bride/groom is moving to a foreign country after the wedding, travel-related gifts like luggage, passport holders, aircraft pillows or something very ‘Indian’ to remind them of home (swades music here…)
- Gift certificates to their favorite stores (Globus, Westside, the list is endless) are always useful
- If it is a b’day party or a celebration at home, you can help the host cook before the party and clean up afterwards. This is a gift for which you will be thanked a million times ! This would actually fall under things they desperately need!

A gift based on their preferences - Things they like but would probably never spend for.
- Pedicure/Manicure gift certificate for someone who shys away from grooming or something similar (like a massage)
- Membership to a fitness program (even for a week or a month) for someone who talks a lot about fitness but does nothing ;)
- Electronic items or accessories (Laptop speakers/portable batteries, iPod accessories etc.)
- Books/DVDs for collectors
- Movie/concert/live shows tickets
Here again men should be careful while going for jewelery, clothes and/or cosmetics.

A personalized gift – Here are a few examples:
- Create a collection of the person’s favorite songs or videos – for example, in keeping with technology, you can create a youtube or iTunes playlist and send/share it (I retain copyright for this idea and demand acknowledgement as and when it is used)
- If you can paint, draw a sketch and frame it
- I love photos and anything to do with it. So I have given people photo frames with special photos, custom-made photo calendars with a personalized message for every month, custom-made wall clock with photos in it, digital photo frames, custom-made photo albums, articles with photos (clothing, coffee cups etc.) and so far, everyone has loved it.

Formal gifts (for colleagues, neighbours and other friends) : One great option here would be for many people to chip in in-order to get a good gift without stretching the purse strings too much. Usually at work, we have a box that is passed around for the collection. This way, no needs to know what the other has contributed and all that matters is the final sum and what we get to do with it.

Most people like to get articles unique to a certain country. Here in Germany, all my colleagues like Indian spices, certain kinds of sweets, clothes, jewelry etc. So anytime I come home, I choose some articles to take back to them. In India, I assume, it is the other way around, people like to get stuff from Germany (even Lindt chocolates from Germany are special because everything on the wrapper is German unlike the Lindt chocolates in India with English on it….and I don’t think it’s a question of authenticity :D)

If you are a man or if you think like one and say – ‘It’s the thought that matters’…..then I would have to say, ‘yes’. But what is the thought, that’s the question – you probably say ‘I thought about showing up and remembered to buy something’ while for me it is ‘I am here to celebrate with you and here is something to make the day all the more special for you’….enna panradhu, its all in the genes !

At the register office...

....a very close friend of mine got married today. He sent me an invitation last week (oh..men!!) but I somehow managed to take the day off, make sure Ashok's travel plans were right and purchase a good gift.

The day began with a -2 deg C temperature and rain and as the day progressed, it started snowing too. Such weather calls for warm clothes, pullovers, jackets, scarves and whatnots....all in sober colors and I was thinking 'But its a wedding....' and that deserves bright colors, fancy clothes with a festive touch. The weather lost the battle and we got dressed in style, the wedding style - me in a bright salwar that you can spot from a mile away and Ashok in a suit.

After a train and taxi ride, when we reached the Rathaus (city hall), it was all so quiet that I suspected that we were at the wrong place...although I knew it was going to be a simple affair, I think I was expecting some sort of 'wedding indication' like flowers in the entrance or people waiting or some form of hulchul. On looking for the register office, we found a room and we finally heard voices and were greeted by a room with 18 people, with the bride and groom sitting in the front row and the registrar sitting at a table with a flower bouquet on it.

The wedding lasted 10 minutes (the shortest wedding I have ever been to!) - 5 minutes of oration by the registrar, 5 min for saying 'I do', exchanging rings and kissing the bride. Afterwards, champagne was offered to everyone and then we moved to a restaurant in the neighbourhood for lunch. Since this was the first time we were meeting the friend's family, time was spent in introductions and the rest discussing the usual questions about India (cuisine, yoga, bollywood, Indian weddings, clothes, languages) and about our stay in Germany/Europe....it was fun since every time at least one of them comes up with an unusual/awkward/embarassing question that always ends up being funny.

After some excellent ravioli, came out the dessert....9 different cakes !! The groom's mother, sister and cousin had all baked cakes. Although I am not fond of cakes and I rarely take more than a bite (just for being polite), I had 2 pieces and they were absolutely sumptuous ! If you click on the photo, you will see what I mean.

Espresso followed the cakes and then came the hugs, wishes and the goodbye.

Here are some things I saw, that I know would completely shock/astonish anyone back home....maybe this will change....well..who knows...
- The whole celebration lasted 4 hours.
- 20 people were invited to the wedding.
- The groom offered to pick us up for the wedding (and I vehemently denied it!)
- The bride's mother was not there (She lives in another country and does not have a passport to travel).
- The bride was wearing a simple black dress.
- No official photographer was present.
- There was no music.

but....there were big smiles on everyone's face, tears in the mother's eyes, the bride turned red when she was kissed, the siblings dutifully arranged all the cakes that they had painstakingly baked the previous day, another was running around with a digicam and a handycam, friends had traveled without giving a second thought to weather or work....Yes, a wedding is always a Wedding :)!

Meet the baby online !

Gone are the days where you get a letter by post announcing the arrival of the little one....

Gone are the days you get a phone call at an odd hour giving you the good news....

Gone are the days you get the news along with a picture in an email from the dad, few days after...

Now it is time to meet the baby online ! You get to see a photo of the baby alone, then with his/her proud parents and his/her vitalstatistix (:D) and of course with his/her name.

This is a service offered by the hospital where you can sign out a camera, take pictures and then the hospital will send out the password protected personal web page link to all the people on your list. Apparently, you can register for this service before your due date or at the hospital !! Adra sakkai...adra sakkai....

I got one such email over the weekend and I was totally excited - Well, if I can have a wedding website, you don't think I would have thought about having one for the baby, eh ?! And this makes my job all the more easier when I get to that stage :D !

To quote R.S.Shivaji ''Technology has improved verryy mucch''...actually its the disruptive thinking that accompanies technology that impresses me all the more!

Moms/Dads, no more I-forgot-my-camera or I-was-too-busy-to-send-an-email !

Thanks to andoo.de for the cute baby pic.