Pongal Kad(a)i

After coming to Europe, I never really celebrated desi occasions like Pongal or Karthigai with the appropriate gusto because many times there was no one to share the joy (and food). Since Ashok and I started living together, I have been celebrating everything and cooking everything like crazy to make up for lost time.

Since this is our first pongal after we started living together, I had already made up my mind to celebrate it the proper way. Ashok is usually not very enthu in celebrating such occasions but he does enjoy the food. So when I asked him about the menu, he played along and said lots of ghee, cashews, whole peppercorns (for the ven pongal) and shallot (china vengayam) sambhar to go with it.

The first order of business was to find my pressure cooker which is small, almost dying, with its safety valve long gone. I had to use the cooker twice to boil the rice and dal for the Ven pongal and chakkarai pongal separately since the former is cooked with water and salt, while the latter is cooked with milk. I was worried that it was going to die any minute, but it was surprisingly robust (which is a tribute to Premier) and I even managed to shout ‘’pongalo pongal’’ (not being able to allow pongal to boil over on an induction stove is a major buzz kill…ivalum iva modern appliancesum…cha…cha..thollai thangala)

As much as I love shallot sambar, I hate to peel them - handla shallots =>eyes fulla tearu and infinite patience. Then I realized that I need the paavamana cooker again for boiling dal for the sambhar. So for the third time, the cooker cooked successfully.

After a hearty meal, when Ashok was dozing off, I called Amma and proudly narrated my accomplishments for the day. She listened and finally said – ‘’ellam seri, ana nalaiku dhane pongal’’ !!! After few seconds of shock, I remonstrated ‘’inniku 14th, eppodhum 14th dhane pongal’’…apparently the tamizh calendar decided to give me a mega bulb !$#@!%#$% by pushing pongal to 15th this year.

Mental note to self: Google for thamizh panchangam and add it to favorites

Favorite response to my comedy story (from a friend): Pongala mundiri (kottai) potiya ?!

Keep track of your sins…

...with an iPhone app, appropriately named Confession**. I accidentally came across the app and some of the listed features:

- Ability to add sins not listed in standard examination of conscience

- Confession walkthrough including time of last confession in days, weeks, months, and years

- Choose from 7 different acts of contrition

Well…there is at least one app that will not interface with facebook and twitter..atleast not until location based advertising finds a way to monetize people’s sins !

What can you do with an old vacuum cleaner?

You can make it Einstein’s tongue, if you are creative !! You should be able to spot the other interesting "junk" if you click on the picture for the larger version.

Puzzler of the week: Dairy products cause cancer ??

…should rephrase…they increase the probability of cancer, according to a recent forward I got. As always, I googled totally expecting it to be one of those useless rumors that travels around the e-world in a jiffy (I pity those that create these forwards….if only they had a charming friend like me ;) :D) and was shocked to learn that it may be true.

Although studies have gone both ways and research is still being carried out, most of them incline towards accepting this premise as a fact. Almost all of them point to the Chinese, who apparently stay away from all kinds of dairy products, who have a really low rate of cancer when compared to those in the Europe and the US.

Has someone bothered checking out Indians, who live and breathe dairy products? If Indians had a much higher rate of Cancer or at least something comparable to the western world, I would slowly become a believer. However, if they do not, then I would believe that it would just link to all the artificial things that are done to the milk production (pumping it up with hormones and what not) here that’s the culprit. I have been used to fresh milk in India even though we later switched to Aavin but I still hold firmly that both milk and yoghurt taste weird in the western world (you can’t even go to the disaster that is buttermilk – God bless the Turkish for their Ayran that helps me survive in Germany) !

Given that I already know 3 Indians – all women – who suffer/suffered from cancer and that only one of them survives, I should say its not looking good……are the days of milk and paneer going to be replaced with soymilk and tofu?

Some say women should be careful about soy intake – so now, researchers, make up your mind, what can we actually eat??

** The article is not intended to offend Catholics or the concept of Confessional.

Copyright: The picture in from the KLM flight magazine and is the work of French artist, Bernard Pras

What happens when...

...2 people with very different tastes are stuck at home on a rainy sunday with just one laptop ?!?

...split screen technology :D

Necessity is indeed the mother of invention !

I kill plants....

....I don't know why or how (or may be I do...) but I have never been successful in rearing a plant life.

In my defense, I have lived in a city in an apartment all my life without as much as a glimpse of gardening...well, if you don't count the potted Thulasi that amma had (and obviously amma took care of) and yes, I did occasionally water it and did the mandatory pradakshinam and namaskaram whenever amma asked me to but now that I think about it, I don't even know where she got it from or how often she changed the mud !

Trial 1: Year 1996

We had this inter-St.Johns' (there are 4 branches) competition where each school had to do their own mini-projects and exhibit them for the others. Since my engineering skills are way better than my artistic skills, I was assigned the ''technical'' tasks but a friend falling sick at an inopportune moment meant that I had to prepare one of the ''fields'' in her place for an irrigation project. It was nothing fancy (or at least that's what I thought...I was naive back then), I was to sow some wheat or kezhvaragu in a tray and allow it to grow for 3-4 days and bring it to the school (just like we create or rather amma creates a park for Golu). I duly took the seeds from amma and a green tray (with amma saying ada kadavule, adhu vethalapakku kudukara thattu di!), found some mud with the help of our watchman, carefully planted and watered them.

Day one - Nada

Day two - Null, I kept it in the mottamadi for a couple of hours after wondering if it was getting enough sunlight in our balcony

Day three - still nothing, by now I was really getting worried because I was to take it to the school the next day. I was so desperate that I actually sat and talked to the tray for a couple of minutes (seriously!) since I had heard somewhere (most likely vayalum vazhvum) that talking to plants and treating them as beings with feelings help their growth !

Day four - tray looked like green eminems hidden in the mud, took it to school, got a wrathful look from the teacher, who somehow managed to include it as a ''just-budding'' field in the project.

Trial 2: Year 2003

It was my first birthday in Germany. A few friends had come over for dinner and one of them got me a small potted plant that apparently blooms beautifully in the spring (and I thought to myself, if it makes it to the spring!). She gave me instructions on how to take care of it, I diligently took a note of them and created outlook reminders. Seeing the first bloom was as exciting as seeing the first snow !! Not to mention that I took a zillion pictures of it !

One became many and at one point, I actually had 37 small blossoms (and yes, I counted). I proudly showed it off to a friend who pointed out to me that the plant was getting bigger for the pot and I should shift it to a bigger one.

I asked around, went to a store, bought a pot, some mud (and after getting over the initial reluctance of paying for mud!) and then shifted the plant to the bigger pot....and 3 days later, it died ! I cursed the friend who suggested shifting the plant to another pot and told my friends ''No more plants, please!''

Trial 3: Year 2006

A plant-crazy colleague of mine was telling me about how she had requested her mom to come and water her 50 potted plants (yes, 50) when she travels for work. I told her about my jinx factor w.r.t plants and she was shocked. She gave me a plant (oh..no, not again...) that belongs to the cactus family and told me that it required no care whatsoever. I took it home with some trepidation and gradually realised that she was right, it hardly required any water and the sunlight in the window sill was more than enough. After two years, I was really glad that I had beaten the jinx factor.

In 2008, I had a travel marathon and was away for 5 weeks and when I came home, the plant had breathed its last !

Trial 4: Year 2011

My new apartment has a huge balcony. Now that spring is here, I went outside and stood on the balcony enjoying my morning coffee. As I looked around, I noticed that all my neighbours's balconies were suitably decorated - hanging flower pots, pots on the ground, creepers on the sill and to add insult to injury, the lady in the opposite apartment came into her balcony with her gardening gloves and started planting new ones !! In the interest of not being the only apt with a lacklustre balcony, I am going to try my hand at this again and all I can say is.....May God save the plants ! Amen !

Lost and Deported

I lost a bag, was refused entry into a country, was cut off from internet and the cherry on top, was pulled over by cops! Sounds like a fun week, right? In truth, it actually was!!

Let me enunciate each part of that sentence.

I lost a bag at the Munich airport. I usually carry a backpack as my carry-on and one of my girl(y) friends suggested that I carry a small hand-bag (gender woes…grrr!) for my passport, cash and cosmetics. I did, only I forgot to pick it up after the security check. Since I had a whole line of my items coming out the x-ray (from belt to shoes to laptop), I conveniently forgot the seldom used hand-bag. Fortunately, I had my passport and cash in the backpack (God bless the force of habit). Unfortunately I realized I left the bag only when I got into the shower at the hotel in Spain and realized I had no shower gel or shampoo.

Happy ending: On my way back, I picked up the bag from the “lost and found” at the Munich airport
with a twist: I had to pay 5 bucks to get it back since they had “stored” it for me. They actually have a list that says how much you pay for retrieving your item from the lost and found !

I was refused entry into Gibraltar. We were staying along the Spanish coast and Gibraltar was just over an hour’s drive from the resort. Since the checkpoint gets fairly crowded, we got up early (which is a herculean task for me esp. during a vacation) and got there before 9am.

Officer: Do you have a visa to enter Gibraltar ?
We smugly flashed our schengan visas
Officer (with an “I am not impressed” look): Gibraltar is not a schengan country
Us: Blank stares…..
Officer: You have to go back to Spain (and then he points to the U-turn)
Us: Blank stares turn into disappointed looks
Me: Does being in Europe for long and having a PR count?
Officer: No
Ashok turns the car around, reaches the U-turn and a sudden wave of genius hits me and I force him to make an illegal turn to get back to the port of entry.
Officer (now impatient and annoyed) walks towards us.
I had remembered that Gibraltar is a British territory and both Ashok and I have UK visitor visas. With a triumphant look, I flash those visas.
Officer: I would have let you in if you had a British PR but a British visitor visa does not count
Me: Are you sure?
Officer (exasperated): Madam, I am the head of immigration, I think I know!

Unfortunate ending: For the first time in my life, I was denied entry into a country (thankfully no “denied” stamp in the passport)
with a twist: we still saw the rock of Gibraltar
and a resolution: to go back with a visa and am keeping my fingers crossed about meeting the same officer (cat one time, elephant also one time).

To be continued…..

PS: I know the heading is exaggerated and misleading. Oh..man, I really should stop visiting rediff and times of India pages !

Chandramukhi in German

...das kann doch nicht wahr sein !! mudiyala pa...mudiyala !

Man of the moment....

Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is

Rajinikanth’s email id is gmail@ rajinikanth.com

Rajinikanth can drown a fish

Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes

Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone

Rajinikanth did, in fact, build Rome in a day

Rajinikanth electrocuted Iron Man

Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret

Rajinikanth killed the dead sea

Rajinikanth can divide by zero

Rajinikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of its corners off

Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice

Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano

When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down

Rajinikanth can delete the recycle bin

Just got this as a forward...ROFL....one has to accept, the man does have style....

Let's see if that shows in Endhiran tonight...Review tomorrow :D !

Mudiyala !

Ennadhu idhu (vaidvelu style) ????

Rajini thalaila yaaro karakozhambu oothitanga ! Aishwarya thailaila thanni vitta electricity generate pannalam polarukke !

I agree that Rajini is trim (or is the word emaciated ?) and does not look his age with all the make-up. He did really look much better in Shivaji than in Baba and commanded the screen presence as always. Mottai Shivaji....chance illa po ! But isn't this taking it too far ???

Someone should talk some sense into Shankar....a song shot in Peru should have exotic costumes...agreed but why make the beautiful Aishwarya scary (she is ok in this pic but there are a number of scary ones !) and should-act-his-age-atleast-at-times Rajini funny weird ??

Rajini fans, unmaya osichu sollunga, idhu over dhane ??

Photo Copyright: Sun Pictures

Soorasamharam

I know I am almost a week late with this news but I totally loved this cartoon. In spite of being older than his opponent and not having the host-country advantage and in spite of making mistakes, Anand still manages to be the world champion. If only the Indian Govt. realises how valuable Vishwanathan Anand is and for once, atleast bids for hosting the chess championship...sigh.....no wonder everyone is surprised that Anand refuses citizenship offers from other countries and steadfastly remains a loyal desi !
Cartoon Source: http://www.chessvibes.com/cartoons/kick-ass-chess/

The neighbourhood bar ?!

There is a bar in my neighbourhood and the only mistake the owner did is being friendly and close to my house (if you are looking for silly drunken stories..naah..ah..you are in the wrong place). We have a node-and-smile-when-our-paths-cross relationship and I have abused it twice already....

It’s a Saturday night; it was cold and snowing like crazy. A friend of mine decides to surprise me by showing up at my door step at 11pm...sounds like a good plan, right ? I missed a few details: she has a 1-yr old kid and she realized that she forgot his ‘dinner-bag’ only on arrival. He refuses to go to sleep or wake up without a big glass of milk. Here is the embarrassing part: I had no milk in the house (In my defense, I was on a coffee break and I cook my oatmeal with water). For those not living in Germany: No stores are open on a Sunday and all stores close by 8pm on a Saturday. Gas stations will be open but the nearest one is at least 3 km from my place and the little guy was already hungry. Neighbours (or people I see in the stairway often) will not be pleased if they are disturbed close to midnight. I just wrap myself up and go out thinking I will have a brain wave once I get to the street and lo ! there is a bar. Bar also serves coffee => bingo, a place with milk. I pop in, explain the situation and ask him if I can buy 2 cartons of milk from him. He has this totally perplexed look on his face and I did all I could to not laugh at that. Finally though, he went to the kitchen and came back with what I wanted and while I was leaving the bar, 2 more people were coming in and once again, the same perplexed looks but this time I laughed :D!

Few weeks later, same situation, only this time I am looking for sugar for guests who cannot live without coffee. Same bar, same story and I walk out with a packet of sugar cubes.

I am pretty sure that if I did this one more time, he will hang up a sign saying ‘only drinks, no groceries’. I wonder if I should feel sorry for the bar owner or be embarrassed about my pathetic grocery stock or be proud of my ‘healthy’ eating habits…hmmm....

Parents and Technology

It was the year 2000, when PCs were becoming affordable and the first time I sat at my computer at home, I felt like a space scientist in front of the panel (you have to imagine one of those sci-fi movies with nerds who eat and sleep in front of the monitors) and I had just opened MS word to type an email (those were the days where you type elsewhere and do a copy paste since you did not want the phone line to be busy for a long time and have your parents yell at you for that !) and did not notice appa walk in to the room. He had been observing me for a while, and then remarked ''nee en ivalo slowa type panra'' (why are you typing so slowly?) and I remonstrated with passion ''idhu onnum slow illa, en ganglaye naan dhan fasta type pannuven, unnala idhu kooda mudiyadhu'' (This is not slow, I am the fastest one in the group and you can't do any better).

He just smiled and left and I made a mental note that I would prove that I do type faster. The next day, I was typing a SOP (statement of purpose) from some notes I had made in the college bus and I left it midway to attend a call. I come back to find appa almost having finished the SOP and I was gaping at the feverish speed he was typing in.

He grinned mischievously and said ''You forget that almost everyone in my generation learnt typing and the keyboard is no different from a typewriter'' and went away humming ''enkitta modadhe.....'' and enakku 1000 watts bulb erinjidhu !

Although I have lost patience, unreasonably, with amma and appa many times while trying to explain to them today's technology, I would also be amazed at how much they cope with at their age, given their limited time and exposure. Appa takes the cake here.

I went home in 2005 after nearly 3 years and having enjoyed a home-meal, I was talking with appa when he says ''Can you help me with my LAN settings??''....I blink at his usage of the word LAN for obvious reasons, while he continues, much to my chagrin and amusement, ''LAN na local area network''...I laughed out loud and asked him why and he goes to explain how he had set up two computers at home - one for my brother and one for himself and how they were using a router so that both computers would have access to the internet. Clean Bowled.

Both amma and appa take computer as well as internet lessons at work since they have to cope with computerized systems and yes, they do frustrate me at times asking me to explain how drag and drop works (ada rama...) but when I look at some of the unbelievably dumb questions I get from this generation, I tell myself that I have to give them credit.

Amma is stubborn about her mailbox messages. Any time she calls me and gets my mailbox, she says ''amma calling'' in a very strict robotic tone and hangs up....ROFL ! Once she did that to me thrice on a work day and when I called back I was so anxious as to what was going on and when I heard that her cousin's son was getting married, I snapped.

idhuku dhan ivalo vaati phone panniya ? idha messagela sollalam illa ? idhukaga naan office lerndhu kavala pattu phone pannen - Is that why you called ? Couldn't you have left this as a message ? I had to call from work since I was worried

and she replies in a confused tone

mailbox kitta sonna epdi unkitta solra madhri irukkum ? - how is talking to a mailbox the same as talking to you

and all I managed to say was hehehe, nee irukiye.....

And then there is the chat. Many people, I have noticed, fail to grasp the meaning of chat. The reason I chat and not call is because (ofcourse the former is free) chat allows one to multi-task and you can get other things done while still chatting with someone. It completely annoys me when someone asks, you there or you busy when I haven't replied within the minute - defeats the whole purpose. Of course there are times when you need to be 100% there but not for every ''how are you'' chat. This is why it was amazing when appa was chatting with me and didn't ask ''you there'' even once !! He would type really long messages (he is good at typing, remember?) and assume I would either read it then or later as offlines - perfect !

Last week, he hit a new high when I sent him an email and received the following response:

Hello Sowmya Gopal,
I've received your message entitled "oru mukiyamana matter". I wanted to let you know that you're on my Priority Guest List. Boxbe helps me manage my email by prioritizing messages from people I know. You'd be amazed at how much better my inbox is now. This is the only email you will receive about Boxbe from me and there is no need to respond.
Learn more about Boxbe.
Thank you,
VGopal

ROFL...ROFL....Idhu konjam over, illa ?

Mad...Mad...Madrid

Before I post about the various places in Spain, I think I should list the funny/interesting/bizarre experiences we had in Madrid.

- Baggage belt: We landed in Madrid and were patiently waiting at the ''From Munich'' baggage belt for our luggage and when we were getting slightly impatient we noticed some hulchul at another baggage belt. There was our luggage in the ''from Valencia'' baggage belt ! Apparently, our luggage is from Valencia even though we are from Munich :D !

- Metro numbers: Metro is the tram network in Madrid. It is a maze and neither the directions nor the train numbers help too much. Train lines are numbered 1-11. You would assume that when waiting for Line 11, there will be a train with the same number....well, you assume too much....train (numbered) 15 arrives and I am frantically looking at the signs, map everything and there is no train 15. The same thing happens when I wait for Line 4 and train 11 shows up and finally I understood that they number the trains either for the fun of it or based on its age or whatever but definitely not according to the route ! enna kodumai Saravanan ?! What I found even funnier were the maps inside the trains. I entered Line 4 and right in front of me is the route for Line 5, I am completely confused, I turn around and find maps for Lines 9 and 10 too and then it finally dawns on me that all trains have maps of all routes besides the one huge metro map that shows the whole network ! Can you spot the number in the pic ? Thats actually line 1!

- Metro temperatures: It was 9 deg C outside and as soon as we entered the metro, we realized that the heater was running at full strength and removed our jackets. It was getting hotter by the minute until we almost started sweating ! The next day, it was -4 deg C outside and we were relieved to step into the metro and lo, they chose that day to run the air conditioner at full strength....kadavule....we were literally freezing !

- ATM: Inserted the card, amount required and waited. Out came the card, the receipt that said ''cash withdrawn'' but unfortunately no cash !! Neither was there a contact number, nor was there anyone who could explain what happened. So hoping that the transaction was somehow not carried out (and that the ''non''withdrawn money was not debited from the account), we moved on to trying a different card. We later called the bank from the hotel room (since we did not have all info with us to check our account online) and were informed that if the details of transaction were given to the bank, they would ''try'' and get the money back if the amount was debited from the account...aha.....Later, after coming home, we checked the account and thankfully the amount debited had already been recredited...phew!

- Snacks Vending Machine: You know the routine right ? put in money, press the number and out pops the snack. We needed a water bottle (in counter 47). after inserting the money, everytime we pressed 47, a new number will appear - first it was 44 (I accused Ashok of pressing the wrong keys), then it was 46, then 48 and then back to 45 !! All these counters were luckily empty, otherwise God knows how many drinks we would have bought for one water bottle. You see the fateful machine in the pic !

- Green tea: Noone seems to have heard of green tea. The closest one was mint tea and that was avaliable in just one cafe. Since I was on a break from coffee, green tea was my only option. I went around ordering hot water and adding the dip green tea to it :D !

- Gym: We were in a 4-star hotel and the gym was in a dark alley away from the hotel and had one tread mill (that dint work), one rowing machine, one elliptical and 2 exercise bikes. Spaniards clearly are not fond of the Gym.

- Food: You ask for a vegetarian sandwich and you will get one with lettuce, tomatoes and lotsa egg and that is nearly the only vegetarian option you have, leaving out the pastries! And if you are a die-hard vegetarian who shys away from eggs, oh...well, you can forget about meals and live like a spartan ! Photo shows Ashok's breakfast :D ! To be fair, we did find one vegetarian place on the last day and I liked it so much (maybe because I was starved :D) that I have to dedicate a separate post for that life saviour !

Disclaimer: Those from Spain or Madrid, no offence meant. I totally loved Spain and you should wait a little longer for me to post about those experiences as well.

Idhu epdi irukku ?

When there are people and countries creating controversies with their privacy violation arguments against Google Street View created by Google Mapping Van by taking panoramic pictures, there is someone who voluntarily tracks the van movement and makes sure he is captured in the photo as well....ennanu partha....Marketing gimmick for his music band.....adapaavi !

And while we are on the topic of privacy, here is something I came across - Top 50 places to See Celebrities in NYC...I cannot believe there is a map like this and its actually used and rated as well...ada rama !! What's next - Maps for Stalkers?!

Yes, technology is growing, so is information availability, but what is not funny is how its actually put to use....God save technology and information from us !!

Vetti pasanga naanga

Scene 1: tea kadai with rendu vetti pasanga (VP) ordering tea

VP: master, onne gal rubaiku rendu tea podu

Master: onne gal rubaiku tea pottu naanga epdi pozhapa nadathardhu ?!

VP: 1000 kodi rubaila nadathura Hindustan Lever companye 50 paisaku shampoo vikkaran

Master: appo daily aluku oru shampoo packet vaangi kudika vendiyadhu dhane ?!

....ROFL, ROFL

Scene 2: tea kadai, rendu vetti pasanga vettiya pesara

VP1: oru kappal muzhuga poradhu, kappala irukaravanga ellam pullayar kitta vendikiranga, appo pullayar vandhu enna pannarnu sollu parpom ?

VP2: ellarayum kapathirupaar

VP1: illaye, dan, dan, dan, dandadanu dance adinar. makkal ellam puriyama ''pullayarappa, naanga kashtathula irukkom, nee dance adariye''nu kettadhuku pullayar solrar ''oru oru varushamum neenga enna kadala thooki potutu ipdi dhane adareenga ?!''

....ROFL, ROFL

The double ROFL scenes were from Ponniyin Selvan, made me laugh for a really long time :D !

Around the Clock

It is that time of the year again (pun intended :D).....tomorrow, the last Sunday of October, is when I get to sleep a whole extra hour, that's right, we move the clocks back an hour since daylight saving time ends.

For those who are unfamiliar with this ''time-travel'' concept, on the last sunday of March every year, just before spring (supposedly) begins, the clocks are moved ahead by an hour so that you can use one more hour of the sunlight that is (apparently) available in Spring and Summer (This means I can make up for that 1 hour of sleep I lost in March tomorrow :D). This is then referred to as daylight saving time.

So what is the big deal, you wonder ? The resulting confusion and chaos on these 2 days (and a couple of days after) and why ?

Different countries adjust the time on different days ! So if I have to call someone in Canada (say, in Calgary), the time difference could be 7, 8 or 9 hours depending on when which clock is adjusted.

Some of these countries have more than one time zone. So if I have to call someone in Canada, this time in Toronto, the time difference could be 5, 6 or 7 hours.

There are exceptions, as always. Arizona, for example, has no daylight saving time while the rest of the US does.

Some or all of the above results in one or all of the following

- You can hear people swear at Microsoft Outlook for sending out calendar invitations with wrong meeting times

- There are people running through corridors at work asking for time

- There are people with completely irritated ''I-missed-my-train/flight'' looks in March and overflowing coffee shops in October since they turned up an hour early !

- There are really smart men who use the ''Oh..I forgot about the daylight savings'' excuse for being late in March although they never turn up early in October (like I said, smart!)

One would think this only happens to people who are new to daylight savings but NO...happens mostly to people who have grown up with it since the newbies tend to be extra careful.

So what to do

- Many computer based systems can adjust time automatically but not always and come-on its Microsoft ! So manually type in the time of the meeting in the message, to be sure.

- You have a computer and internet right ? Just google for the current time in a particular place.

- Set the right time in your alarm clock BEFORE going to bed, will be too late (or early if you are lucky) after you get up.

The other day I heard a friend saying ''India is a big country, you should have more than 1 time zone'' and I thought ''adapaavingla, nanga urupidiya irukardhu ungalukku porukalaya'' ?!

On the plus side though, daylight savings does make a lot of sense w.r.t energy conservation, reducing traffic accidents, increased sport activities, barbeques - Oh yeah, an extra hour of sunlight can make a lot of difference !

Rise and shine, people, let's fight the grey winter and enjoy the colorful fall (pun unintended) :D !

XX Vs XY

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, gender related procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate one.'

*******************************

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth! - I agree, unfortunately....

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card - - This is why I hate handbags, I can never find what I want in there. I actually have a wallet and use a rucksack most of the time....guess what, even some of my male colleagues make fun of that....idhu romba overa illa ?!

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. - - naanga enna panradhu, pasanga tholla thangala.....

6. Attempt to insert card into machine...

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. - hehehe, hehehe

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way. - idhu too much, with the amount of experience women have with credit cards and debit cards, this is just not possible

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. - 10 to 12 also seem far fetched. Even though many women are not fond of numbers, when it comes to money, they are all Ramanujam's cousins ! Its akin to the fondness for remembering dates :)

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt..

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. - I have never ever done this!

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card. - ROFL, ROFL

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. - this is precious, ROFL, ROFL !!

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. - No comments

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake. - This is just too darn good !!

Thanks to the person who sent me this forward. I completely agree that men have a flair for driving while women learn (or atleast try ) to drive. Ofcourse when there is a rule, there are both examples and exceptions....oh..well...there should be atleast one thing we are not good at, just to make you men feel better, eh :D ?

Venus Vs Mars

I got this forward from a friend and since it has been going around for years, you have most likely seen it.

Rules for Women:

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever

1. Crying is blackmailing.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 24 hours.

1. It is genetic for us to look at women. Just deal with it.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

I should ideally respond with rules for men, eh? But women really dont make them because we know men never even attempt to hear them leave alone following ! Perhaps a few suggestions and thoughts.....

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever - if u dont want us to do it, u shouldn't either => messing up with ur mush or goatie or watever !

1. Crying is blackmailing. - you stop drooling and we'll stop crying !!

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! - If you dont mind us saying "can you get out now??" rather than "I guess I have to finish my work now", then its fine with us !

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. - When you know all about the cricketer that captained his team to a Ranji trophy in 2007 or what Ambani is up to, is it that difficult to remember a couple of dates involving the person you say you "care" for? Have you ever thought about how happy you could make her by actually remembering at least one?

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,all comments become null and void after 24 hours.

if(stupidThingNotRepeated){
nullAndVoid(pozhachupo);
}
else
{
payForIt(adapaavi);
}

1. It is genetic for us to look at women. Just deal with it. - It is genetic for us to be possessive. Just deal with it and the glaring and the screaming !!

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. - Then for God's sake, dont tell us that you want to try your hand at cooking, please !! aprum asai mattum dhan irukkum....dosai, apalam,vadai edhuvum irukadhu !

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. - When stranded in a Dutch speaking country, not knowing where to go at midnight, we dont mind your "know-it-all" act as long as u at least allow us to ask for directions !

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. - We are mind readers and you can never get away with your lying ! so simply, speak the truth ! Our mind-reading ability is proof of how much we know and care about you.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. – Then why do you complain when we shop for hours, obviously we can see in 2²⁴ colors !


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. - You should know that the longer you wait, the powerful the ''nothing'' becomes, be warned that it is an exponential series.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. – oh you poor thing, have you still not understood that we patiently listen to such topics only to use it as a bait to take you shopping or to a wedding ?

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape. – can you deal with it if we follow the same logic?

Disclaimer: All the above mentioned are real and nothing imaginary! Anything resembling anyone is totally intentional!

I hope you had a good laugh….and that brings us to the interesting point of how men being from Mars and women being from Venus make life really exciting; it would just be too boring if every man did what his woman expects of him and viceversa, right ? oh..well...live and let live :D !

Madras Lollu

Customer: Saidapet varuma ?

Autokarar: 150 ruba agum

C: 150a ?? naan oorlerndhu Madras varadhuke avalo agala....

A: nalrai (Rs. 4.50) rubaiku poriya ?

C: ah...poren, poren

A: ezhuthapala busstop irukku, anga po

C: @#$$$^!@#!@#

namma ooru makkaluku irukara lollu....chancea illa !!

I saw this in a movie clip from Malai Malai